There's a lot of confusion around masculinity in our current environment. Guys tend to stifle it so they offend or disrespect others. But it's not healthy for a man to shut down characteristics that are part of his DNA. This stifling creates a lack of confidence or an overflow of anger and aggression. This episode will shed light on why men want to embrace and make use of their masculine traits, and how to tap into that energy so they can better serve and lead.
There's a lot of confusion around masculinity in our current environment. Guys tend to stifle it so they offend or disrespect others. But it's not healthy for a man to shut down characteristics that are part of his DNA. This stifling creates a lack of confidence or an overflow of anger and aggression. This episode will shed light on why men want to embrace and make use of their masculine traits, and how to tap into that energy so they can better serve and lead.
This is the Durable Dad podcast. I'm your host, tommy Geary. This show is going to give you the skills and tools you need to be a rock solid man for your work, your community and, most importantly, your family. Alright, guys, what's going on? Episode number 38. Got a good topic for us to talk about today, and before we do that, I just want to give a shout out to the dads that just wrapped up the Get Organized course. It's cool watching these guys come in and have fun with this work and talk to other guys about what they're working on, and I'm just excited to do more of these and give you guys more opportunities to come together, and that's really what I want to be. I want to be this vessel, this lighthouse for dads and men that want more out of life and want to be better for their families and just want to get in on figuring out how the hell to do that, because it's not easy when we're siloed and alone and we can take in this information and think about it, but when we start putting it to work with other men, that's when the juices really start flowing. That's when you get the good stuff. So shifting today.
Speaker 1:
Today we're talking about masculinity. What does masculinity mean to you? Just take a second, see what comes up. What does your brain start feeding you? When I say the word masculinity? I think there's a lot of confusion around the topic and this confusion leads to a lot of guys stifling their masculine traits. And I think this confusion leads to a lot of the mental health issues we see in men the loneliness, the high male rate, suicides and I want to bring this topic up today to start to maybe clarify, shed some light on defining masculinity and using it for good. So what is it? What is masculinity?
Speaker 1:
From the Google definition, masculinity are qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men or boys. So these characteristics, when we're talking about masculinity, we're going to be talking today about masculine characteristics in men and boys, but women have them too. These characteristics are in both male and females. We all have our yin and our yang energy. They flow together. But in this podcast I'm really talking about men, guys, and why dads want to tap into their masculine characteristics rather than stifle them away. All right. So what are those characteristics?
Speaker 1:
The stereotypical characteristics of masculinity aggressive, violence, independence, strength, assertiveness, desire to exert their power. And it's not healthy to hold these characteristics in. So we want to tap into them, and we want to tap into them for good, to use these characteristics to serve our families, communities, work and healthy masculinity starts by controlling our internal world, our emotions, our thoughts, actions that we take, working from the inside out, because unhealthy masculinity is trying to control our external environment. That's when we can start to use aggression to control what other people are thinking or what other people are doing or we yell at our kids or we talk over people in meetings Unhealthy masculinity. You can think of Bradley Cooper's character in wedding crashers, if you remember that movie, the guy that gets on the pickup football field and is just aggro and arguing calls and playing way too aggressively. Maybe that happens when you're playing pickup football now or you're on the pickleball court. That is when masculinity gets a bad rap. And these characteristics they're not right or wrong.
Speaker 1:
I heard Ryan Mitchell and talked about a hammer being a tool and you can use a hammer to build a house and a good foundation for your family and create memories and maybe generational wealth. Or you can use the hammer to destroy. You can use the hammer to beat someone up, you can use the hammer to smash up your neighbor's car and masculinity can be used for good or bad. And we're taught to stifle these characteristics our aggressiveness, our violence and we're taught this at a young age. As a boy, we're taught to sit still, don't get angry, be well-behaved, be thoughtful, be polite, be a good boy. And when we stifle them at a young age and we continue to stifle them until today, it leads to us being dependent on other people for our approval. We seek approval from other people. If you listen to the Nice Guy episode that I did, episode 26, this is the Nice Guy Syndrome. Or when we stifle it, it leads to losing our temper, going from zero to 100. We push down that masculine power for so long it comes out at inopportune moments. So how to use our masculinity has been very confusing to a lot of men.
Speaker 1:
Today in society, the masculine energy can be thought of as destructive and what a lot of the world problems are created by, and maybe some of that's true. But we can exude and exemplify positive masculinity and I think for dads, it's our role. It's our responsibility to show our sons what it's like to be a strong, assertive man that's also kind and empathetic. And it's also important to show our daughters what a healthy man is. We want our daughters to recognize the good masculine energy in the world. So one of the problems that we run into is how we're raised, what society tells us, and another problem that we run into is that a lot of these characteristics aren't as needed.
Speaker 1:
Today, like thousands of years ago, we were living in an environment that needed men to fight, needed men to hunt, and needed men to build our homes, our shelter, when we didn't have any, and to fight the bigger mammals that were attacking us. Men were needed, that violence was needed to protect. And today we're pretty safe. We have a very comfortable, warm, safe life, and these masculine characteristics still live inside of us, right there embedded in our DNA. It's the animalistic part of us and so sometimes, when we've been stifling it for so long, we're not even aware that it's a part of us. We're kind of like that animal at the zoo that doesn't know his capabilities, and in the workout group that I'm in I've mentioned it a bunch F3. They call this man the sad clown, the guy that doesn't even hear that inner voice telling him to stand up, telling him to do more, that he's got potential in him, and the sad clowns the guy that gets sucked into the numbing out behaviors and into the screens and gambling and the vices and porn and drinking. That man that doesn't recognize his potential is Wasting a lot of this life that we have and his opportunity to be a leader. So we want to get in touch with the masculine energy. I'm gonna give you a few ways to do that and there have been times when I've Lost that masculine side of me and I can remember vividly Brendan.
Speaker 1:
I had quit our jobs. We traveled in Central America for a few months and we came back and Brenda got her job back and she was working and I was still kind of on this Free spirit journey and we're living outside of Boulder and I was hiking every day during the week and I was also job hunting and getting interviews and this one opportunity that I had. I was just kind of dragging my feet, I wasn't giving it my all and Brenda kind of saw it and she called me out in a very loving way, but I remember her just saying hey, if you want to continue with the way that you're going through life, that's cool. Just know that this is an awesome opportunity and if you want to have a career and you want to make money for our family, then you need to do this. Like you got more in you and she didn't say man up, but that's basically what she was saying and I needed it. I needed that snap to get going again and I could tell myself I do like, let's go, let's put some power, let's put some focus into this.
Speaker 1:
So sometimes those masculine characteristics get buried and we want to try to tap into them more and put them to good use. So few ways to do that one get in the gym, move some weight around, getting better shape. That's going to make you connect to that power, that aggressiveness, in a good way. Build something right at a buddy that said, whenever I build something, it's like a deposit to my masculinity, and I think that's very true. I did it recently with my dad. I built some shelves, something that my family needed. It felt Primal in me that I, like, did something, I served my family. Or learn how to fix your own car or change the tire on your bike and we bike everywhere and there was a time when I didn't know how to Change a bike tire and a tube and when I learned there was more confidence, there was more like self reliance there, that thing, confidence. When a man has confidence, he's tapped into some of that masculine energy. Another way is to get back into sports, some friendly competition, pick up basketball. Know a lot of dudes that have got back into ice hockey. I don't know. It's kind of random, but three of my friends In different parts of the country all picked up their old stick and their old skates and got back on the ice within the same winter and totally felt more alive, felt more vitality when they did it.
Speaker 1:
And if you listen to episode 13, I talk about what are you training for and why it's important for a man to push himself physically. And another way to tap into our masculinity is to understand what you want and ask for it. On this podcast, I talk a lot about slowing down, about being present, about connecting to your inner world and understanding your emotions and that side. That's what it takes to get really clear on what you want and who you are. And when you can manage your thoughts and be in touch with your emotions, that's when you can really be that man that's assertive in a respectful way. Alright, that's what I got for you this week, so have a good one, guys, and I'll catch you next time.