"Discomfort is the currency of our dreams." This is what one of my coaches taught me years ago, and we're going to break it down today. We discuss vices we all have, and why learning to leave our desires unmet is the path to becoming the man we want to be. Tune in to understand why our brains are designed to seek comfort, and why living an uncomfortable life is the way to go.
PODCAST ROADMAP to stop losing your temper HERE
"Discomfort is the currency of our dreams." This is what one of my coaches taught me years ago, and we're going to break it down today. We discuss vices we all have, and why learning to leave our desires unmet is the path to becoming the man we want to be. Tune in to understand why our brains are designed to seek comfort, and why living an uncomfortable life is the way to go.
PODCAST ROADMAP to stop losing your temper HERE
This is the Durable Dad podcast. I'm your host, tommy Geary. This show is going to give you the skills and tools you need to be a rock solid man for your work, your community and, most importantly, your family. Alright, what's up guys? Episode number 36. So, recording this on Monday and it gets released on Tuesday, which is a quick turnaround for us.
Speaker 1:Usually we try to get a week ahead, if not two weeks ahead, but we have a sick daughter at home. Our seven month old has been home for the last six days, sick with a cold. I'm not sure this isn't new news for any parent out there, because kids are just sick this time of year. It actually feels like all I talk with other parents about is sick kids. And what is different here in our house I mean, I'm sure we're not the only ones that do it, but it's been a change for us over the last few years is when one of our girls is sick, we really sit down and think alright, what has to happen in the company, what has to happen this week, what deadlines do we need to make and what can we let go of this week? Because I can get into this beating myself up mode, this stress mode of I'm not getting enough done. How are we going to handle this all with this sick daughter at home and get it all done? And it becomes more of a frenzy than how I really want to live life. My daughter's home sick. I want Brenda to be able to hang out with her and not feel like she needs to be getting more work done and the work that Brenda does need to get done. Then I'll take over for the girls and hang out with them. Just a little bit more of not trying to be in two places at once and trying to do too much, we will get done what needs to get done. We're going to take care of our daughter and the cool thing is is that there's actually some real solid quality time with the seven month old. It's actually like one of those special opportunities as a dad, as a mom, to just be there with your kid, and when you can allow yourself to detach from being productive and getting stuff done, it feels good.
Speaker 1:I've been enjoying this pace a little bit more. Am I saying I'm there all the time? No, last Tuesday and Wednesday I was getting a little freaked out. But manage my mind, manage my emotions around it and yeah, it's been good, but there's a quick turnaround, so I'm going to leave it at that for now and record the episode, so Brenda has time to flip it around and get it out to you guys.
Speaker 1:And today we are going to talk about why we don't want a comfortable life, and if you're already a dad or already a parent, you've already decided that you don't want a comfortable life, because having kids makes life uncomfortable. I know this from experience, but at one point I didn't know it and it was actually becoming a parent was a big decision for me, for Brenda also, and I don't know. Before we adopted our daughter, brenda and I lived this very comfortable life when we lived in this like luxury lock off apartment in this beautiful mountain valley in Colorado and a river ran through it and we had all these different outdoor activities, whether it was on the river or backpacking, like something was always happening. We both had good jobs. We were making a lot of money. Brenda's business that she first started was going well, so we had a lot of flexibility and that life was really good.
Speaker 1:Life was very chill, it was very comfortable and I wanted to be a dad, brenda wanted to be a mom, but it was more me. That needed not convincing, but maybe like a light bulb going off to be like, yeah, just dive in and do this adoption, because really we're into this comfortable lifestyle. I was enjoying my day to day. Why change that? And this is what happens with a comfortable life we get so sucked into the day to day that we don't see what the current trajectory looks like, and that's what it took for me to decide to become a dad. So my current trajectory I could stay on this path of having awesome adventures and having a lot of free time, having like, oh, just having the freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want. And if I projected that out, yeah, that could be a good life, I would probably enjoy myself, I'd probably have a nice time. But then I also projected out that life with a kid and bringing another being into my life that I got to nurture and parent and what that looked like long term, and that was the vision that I wanted.
Speaker 1:But when you're visualizing that, it's not as comfortable the early mornings, the everything really like as soon as you become a dad, everything gets uncomfortable. And that's where the good stuff is at. When life is harder, through those hard times. There's growth on the other side, there's more connection on the other side. So we're going to talk about that today, why we don't want a comfortable life. And for me, what would I be doing if I didn't have these two girls in my life that are my daughters? I don't know. It wouldn't be the life that I want. And are they easy? No, not at all. They've challenged me more than anything else in my life and I'm all in to the discomfort. All right. So we're all dads. We all already have some discomfort in life. We're not sitting around chilling all the time.
Speaker 1:But the problem is is we can get stuck in comfort zones and so step outside your comfort zone. Well, the reason that we get stuck in our comfort zone is because we desire comfort. Genetically in our DNA, how we survive is by seeking comfort. So rewind tens of thousands of years when a human being just like me and you, made up of the same DNA, is out living, surviving. We don't have homes. We have bigger mammals that are out there after us looking to eat us. We don't have food that's delivered to our house or where we can go to a grocery store and pick it up. Food is scarce, so we have these desires for warmth, we have this desire to be satiated, this desire to be safe. So those things are comfort, right, warmth, feeling satiated, feeling safe. And our brain desires that comfort, which makes total sense because that was how we survived. However, that desire for comfort in today's environment, when all of that comfort is readily available to us, it doesn't leave us where we want to be. It doesn't give us the opportunity for growth and being the healthiest version of ourselves that we can be, being the best man that we can be.
Speaker 1:So one of my teachers and coaches, brooke Castillo, says discomfort is the currency of your dreams. Anything that we want out of life, any goal that we have. The more discomfort we can feel and put ourselves in, the faster we'll get to that dream, to that goal. Comfort is the currency of our dreams. So one type of discomfort is unmet desires, those desires to seek comfort, like warmth, being satiated, being safe. When we allow those desires to go unmet, that's growth, being warm. When we leave that desire unmet, that looks like waking up when your alarm rings. You wake up. Right now. It's November, it's starting to get colder, there's not as much sun. You wanna stay in bed. You have the desire to stay warm, hit snooze. But when you leave that desire unmet and you take the covers off and you stand up and you start your day when you said you're gonna start your day, that's leading you towards the life that you want. Not the comfortable thing to do, it's uncomfortable, but it's gonna lead you towards the day that you want, the life that you want.
Speaker 1:Another type of desire that we all have are different vices. Maybe we have one, maybe we have multiple, but it's that thing that you do and you regret later, or maybe you even regret it in the moment. It's food, it's porn, alcohol, gaming, gambling, it can even be overworking. Right, you can close your laptop down at 10 pm and think, ah, I did it again, I wanted to go to bed earlier. That vice of working late or any of those other examples when you leave that desire to do them unmet, that's growth. When you want to go and watch some porn, that desire is gonna be strong, and leaving it unmet, one, we're gonna be more proud of ourselves, we're not gonna feel as shameful, and then it gives us space and energy to maybe do something that's more productive in our life, something that'll actually fill us up instead of drain us. And we're all capable of this. We're all doing it.
Speaker 1:In some areas we're already not allowing ourselves to meet every desire. Like you, might have the urge to quit your job or just call in sick one day, but we don't do it right. We're capable of not meeting our desires. And our brain? Let's think about what's going on. Our brains have this desire that comes up in it and it thinks that every desire should be met. And that is the same thing as being a spoiled brat. The brain is pretty much a spoiled brat. It has a desire and it thinks it should be filled right away. And the crazy thing is, in the environment that we live right now, those desires can be met right away. We're talking about the vices. If we're talking about shitty food as a vice, I'm guessing I could grub hub a McDonald's large Coca-Cola classic to my house if I wanted to. Back in the day when I would drink in college, a Coca-Cola from McDonald's during a hangover was the best thing that I could have, and now I could easily have it. I could fulfill that desire right now if I still had that desire. I quit porn a couple years ago, but if you wanted to watch porn. It's on your phone, a bunch of free websites out there to watch it.
Speaker 1:All of these desires that we have can be met instantly If we don't manage our brain and don't lean into some of the discomfort of an unmet desire. We get sucked into this trap of just living a comfortable life. Everything is just comfort, comfort, comfort. And then we get fatter and lazier and we don't try as hard and we're less resilient. So that's cool. There's nothing wrong with doing that. But if there's a voice telling you that that's not how you want to live, or you're thinking about how you're the role model for your kids and your kids are watching everything that you do then in order to change, we're gonna have to lean into that discomfort of not meeting some of those desires. Another desire that a lot of dudes have is to be right. Sometimes we have to let that desire go unmet. When we let that desire go unmet, we get to connect with more people, because we're gonna ask questions. We're not just gonna stampede over people thinking that we have the right answer. We're gonna learn more because our mind is open to different perspectives.
Speaker 1:Another one is the desire to do the easiest thing possible, the path of least resistance and this is one for me that I check myself on all the time. Last night it was Sunday evening could have totally hit the easy button and had our daughter watch something on her iPad and I could have chilled out, maybe folded some laundry or zoned out to my own phone or whatever. But earlier that day I did write a my to-do list to do a game night or an art night with Brenda and now and so when it came time on Sunday evening, even though my brain did not want to, I clicked on the lady that taught us how to draw a lighthouse and sat at the table with Brenda and now with the pen and paper and all of my body and brain did not want to do it, but once we were sitting down, it was. We had a lot of fun. They did this one like drawing exercise where you stare at the person across from you and you draw them without looking down at your paper, and afterwards it's just hilarious what ends up on your paper, and we were making fun of each other and we were laughing.
Speaker 1:So right, there's the growth I was. I left a desire to chill, go unmet, and the growth is that me and my family got to have a solid experience together. So discomfort is the currency of our dreams. So, whatever you want in life, whatever goals you have not immediate desires, but long-term dreams, long-term goals discomfort is the way to get there, to feel alive, to feel like we have a purpose, like we're finding fulfillment. We need to have some discomfort in our life. So identify a desire that you have, that you constantly fill, and see if you can let it go unmet. All right, that's what I got for you guys today. Have an awesome week and I'll catch you next time.