This is the Durable Dad podcast. I'm your host, Tommy Geary. This show is going to give you the skills and tools you need to be a rock solid man for your work, your community and, most importantly, your family. Alright, what's up? Episode number 53. Today we're going to dive right in.
Speaker 1:
I want to talk about this quote from Seneca, one of the stoic philosophers. He says it is not the man who has too little that is poor, but the one who hankers after more. So the more money you need, the poorer you are. And what we're going to talk about today isn't about making less money. I want you to make money. I want you to make a lot of money. What we're talking about today is needing less work. Go to work because you love your work, Not because you need more money or you need more things or experiences in your life.
Speaker 1:
In the Yoga Sutras, which is a book written by this Hindu philosopher, his name is Pantanjali, it was written 1800 years ago and part of it is Ashtanga Yoga, which is the eight limbs of yoga. Each limb leads you towards enlightenment or knowing your true self. One of the first practices is called Aparagraha. It translates to non-hording. I'm not going to get into details about the Yoga Sutras or Ashtanga Yoga in this podcast. But the gist of this practice is that when we shed the need for things, we start to clear our mind and we start to open up our heart. So this was written 1800 years ago and I mention it because this desire for more, creating more suffering, right now seems to be a thing humans have been dealing with for a long, long time. Fast forward to today and dads and where we are in our life and our career, as we make more money, we want more things and our brain tricks us into believing that we actually need these things and we think it's reasonable to want the nicest car or a new pickup truck or to buy a vacation home. And I want to say that it's not a problem to own nice things, to want nice things, but if you notice yourself thinking about money a lot and wanting more money, that desire for more, the nicer things, it is a problem, because the nicer things aren't going to relieve that stress. The nicer things aren't going to bring more ease, more happiness. You can find that right now and whatever discontentment you're experiencing right now, you're still going to have it after you buy the thing. We think the thing is going to make us feel better. But then we get it and the same discontentment comes up. Benjamin Franklin said contentment makes the poor man rich, Discontentment makes the rich man poor. So this is what we want to strive for. We want to strive to be content with what we have, and we see this a lot in our kids and what we think our kids need.
Speaker 1:
Kids are expensive. When you have a kid it's going to bring more expenses into your life and we slip into this train of thought that we need to give our kids every advantage and we equate those advantages to the best schools, the best camps. This has totally showed up for me. Before, Our daughter that's in kindergarten now used to go to this forest school and she would go once a week and then she would go to her other daycare the rest of the week. There was a time where I was like, oh, she should be going two days a week to this forest school. It's such a good experience for her and she should be going all week. And the forest school was much more expensive than the daycare that we were going to. The forest school was only three hours of coverage and then we had to make midday transfers with her. So the forest school in my brain I was thinking, oh, this is a great experience. She needs more of it. The truth was she loved the day she went to forest school. She loved the days that she went to daycare and she's totally fine. But me and my brain were thinking that she needed more and that more would have been more money, it would have been more time.
Speaker 1:
And if I didn't need that forest time, if I was able to remove the need for it, I would be more content right now, this one guy I was talking to a lot of the guys that I talked to will talk about their relationship with their father and what that was like. And this guy was saying that his dad was always content, he never needed anything and he loved that about his dad and he wanted to be more like him. But where he was at was that he wanted to be content, but he also wanted to be richer. That was what he said I'm content, but I want to be richer. And this guy is well off and we talked about why he wanted to be richer and his belief was that his kids would want to be around him more if he was taking them on nice vacations and he was bringing them out to dinner a lot and as he was saying that out loud, thinking about his father reflecting on why he wanted more money, there was just this ah-ha that his kids don't need that stuff. What his kids need is him. What do our kids really need? Our kids need our time, they need our attention, they need our presence and if we're worried about getting more and needing more, it usually doesn't allow us to be present with our kids, right, Because we're busy looking into the future, thinking that we need to do things differently. If we can work on our brain and not need as much, we can be more present now and that costs no money.
Speaker 1:
One guy's favorite memory of his dad was going to Yankees games and they wouldn't have great seats, they wouldn't even have tickets before they got there. They would scalp tickets and he remembers being at a bar with his dad waiting for the game to start, because that's when ticket prices got lower. And then they would negotiate with the scalper and should they wait for the first inning to be over and would tickets go down to a lower price if they waited? And that's his awesome memory of his dad of being there, being present with him, going on a fun adventure with him that didn't cost much money. They were actually trying to make it cost as least amount of money as possible. So your kids don't need more things. Of course they need some essentials to life and some things, but what they really need is you. They need your time, they need your presence, they need your love.
Speaker 1:
Now you know this message that money can't buy happiness. We want to believe it, we understand it intellectually, but do we internalize it? Does our brain actually believe that money, more things, won't buy happiness? I think I've been caught in it so many times when I'm getting coached that oh, my brain believes when we're making more money, then I'll be happy and content and life will be easier. And it's not true. It's a trick. Our brain plays on us and it's hard to internalize how happy and joyous we can be right now, in the moment, because there's a few reasons.
Speaker 1:
One of the reasons is that society and our consumer culture subconsciously get into our psyche that we need more Advertising social media. It requires us to fend off those messages that more equals better, more equals happiness. The grass is always greener on the other side the stuff that you follow on social media. What messages are those sending? There was this balance board that also had a slack line going across it and it got fed to me on Instagram and I went into like a probably 10 minute search on what this board was like and I went to their website and, oh, kids can use it. My kid would love that. It was like a $250 board and I didn't need it. We have fun little balancing things around the house, but I got sucked in by the advertising. So it's really tricky, it's really sneaky and our brain can get pulled in that direction of wanting something we really don't need very quickly. So we need to manage our brain around it. If you think about stuff that comes on TV, how many people remodeled their house because of something that they were watching on HGTV?
Speaker 1:
One of the reasons it's hard to internalize that we can be content right now is because of our society's culture and advertising. Another reason is our ego. Our ego is the part of us that needs more. It's the part of us that when we feed it more, it gets stronger. This endless pursuit of more and that's the problem it's an endless pursuit. There's always going to be more things to buy better experiences, more expensive vacations. Our ego is the part of us that needs more. If we had more, we would be happier. And when I can let go of that, when I can remind myself of all the awesome things that I currently have in life it's not always easy to internalize it, but there is so much peace and so much love and so much joy right now when you don't need as much this message.
Speaker 1:
I'm not saying renounce all of your belongings and be a monk and live in a small shack. I'm just saying that we have to draw the line somewhere. We wanna practice being content with less or be content just with what we have right now. What happens when you do this work to get there is that you feel better, and when you feel better, your actions are gonna be better. We're more present, we're more organized, we're more likely to enjoy and have fun with our kids, and what I've found is that when we're there, when we're in that energy, we actually start making more value and we make more money in the world. We're lighter, we're not as tense and needy and grassy, and that's when people and business is attracted to us, when we're in a open space. So we want to explore our brain and you can finish this sentence life will be better when and let your brain run Life will be better when I'm making more money, when we move and do a new house, when I hit my sales numbers. Life will be better when we take a long vacation, when I get a raise, when I get a promotion. Notice what your brain thinks will make you happier. Then ask what's the cost of believing these thoughts and the cost of believing these thoughts. That'll give you some real insight into what you're creating in your life, when you believe that life is gonna be better when you get somewhere else, when you get something else.
Speaker 1:
Once you create that awareness, switch to some gratitude practices. I think we talk about gratitude all the time. Before we can actually be grateful for what we have, we have to experience and think about how our brain doesn't believe that we're grateful. So the first part is really important and then the second part you can move into gratitude for what you do have. And finances is one of the biggest struggles that I see with men, and not a struggle in the sense of they don't have money, struggle that they stress about finances. So we wanna have peace of mind, we wanna have some calmness, and maybe it's not peace of mind all the time, but we don't worry as much, Because how often are you thinking about finances? How much financial pressure is coming from your own brain that you're putting on yourself? It keeps us from being content and finding freedom. I'm gonna read that quote one more time it is not the man who has too little that is poor, but the one who hankers after more. So explore this topic, need less. It's freeing and I'll catch you next time.