Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
The Durable Dad podcast gives men the skills and tools they need to be rock solid for their family, their work and their community.
Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
056: What's on Your Calendar?
Our calendars reflect our priorities.
So take a look at your calendar – Is it full of appointments that matter?
For most guys, what matters more than anything is your relationship with your wife and kids. Quality time with your family.
But if you're like most guys, that time is tough to squeeze in on a regular basis.
We let soccer games, work meetings, and our phones get in the way.
This podcast is a reminder of what matters most.
Your kids are only this age once. Tune in for motivation to make a shift so you don't look back at this year and wonder what you did with it.
PODCAST ROADMAP to stop losing your temper HERE
This is the Durable Dad Podcast. I'm your host, tommy Geary. This show is going to give you the skills and tools you need to be a rock solid man for your work, your community and, most importantly, your family. All right, what's up? Durable Dad Podcast, episode number 56.
Speaker 1:We took a family trip a couple weeks ago. We went down to Florida, got some warm weather in us, hung out with my parents, my sister, we were there for like six nights and it was awesome, it was a blast. And when we got back, there was this moment that we were on the shuttle from the airport to our car where I looked at our six-year-old daughter and we had spent a lot of time together over the last week. We were at this hotel where she had some autonomy to be on her own, go and grab food without us hanging over her, and she was digging it, and that, coupled with being on this shuttle and I don't know. I was just sitting. She was standing and I looked into her eyes and I saw her as this older six-year-old that was not my four-year-old daughter, was not the little three-year-old toddler anymore and of course I know this, she goes to kindergarten. We celebrate her birthdays but there was just this moment where my heart kind of opened up and I felt sad. I felt this like these days are short, but it was also a happy, sad, and it just reminded me of how important my relationship is with her and how I really want to prioritize quality, fun time with her, not just the logistics of the day, the logistics of the day have to happen, but also that other time, that is, those quality memories. And it's the same thing with my wife, with Brenda, a lot of the times we're just running day to day. And there are those small moments when we get to go to a concert together where it kind of feels like we're young again and I see her for who she fully is and there's just a smile and a connection. And it doesn't even have to be on a big at a big like concert night, it could be riding our bikes to go see a movie, just that connection.
Speaker 1:And I think you probably know what I'm talking about. You've probably had these moments and what I want to talk about today is the importance of using those moments as a compass or as a reminder of how important our relationships are, especially with our wife and our kids, and I've probably said it before on this podcast but the quality of our relationships is going to determine the quality of our life. What are the most important relationships in your life? And I can answer that easily and I'm guessing you can answer that easily too. It's the relationship with our wife and the relationship with our kids, and it gets lost sometimes in the day-to-day. So I was thinking when I had this moment on the shuttle with my daughter. She didn't even know it was a moment. I knew it was a moment. We get caught up. There are so many other things that are pulling our attention the work, emails, social media. It draws our attention away from what is the true priority in our life.
Speaker 1:I was listening to this podcast with Greg McKeown getting interviewed by Tim Ferris and they just were hitting this point home. So Greg McKeown, real quick, is the guy who wrote Essentialism. He wrote this book called Effortless and I knew him as making sure you're efficient with your time, making sure you're focused on the right things and the things that are really important to you, but I didn't really think of him as a relationship guy. I've read his books and it's talked about, but it's not hammered home and they really were talking about relationships, and one of the things that they said that I really was caught off guard by, I guess, was how to think about personal development and personal goals and your priority, and he was talking about how a lot of recent culture and guidance and advice has been about taking care of yourself and optimizing yourself and take care of your needs, and I talk about that on the podcast a lot. I think that is important. But he also said that the balance is swaying too much and we're not as focused on other people in our life and helping them fulfill their desires and their growth and helping them feel supported. This was just really interesting to me, because we do lose sight of how important our relationships are, and when my relationships are better, my life is better, my life is easier, it's more fulfilled, and I think that's probably the case for you as well. When we're solid with our wife, when we're solid with our kids and we're believing that we're doing a good job as a dad, life is more fulfilled. That's our purpose, that the legacy we want to leave is that we were present and we were a good husband and dad.
Speaker 1:So get stuff on the calendar right. Spring's coming up, summer's coming up, and what do you have on the calendar for family time, for quality family time? I have a reminder on my phone right now to get some camping weekends on the book for just the four of us, and I haven't done it. The reminder has been popping up for the last five days. I want to get on it and when I do, I know those times are going to be special. That's what I'm prioritizing, and we could do this on a daily basis, on a weekly basis. Are you doing a date night with your kid? Are you doing date nights with your wife? It can even hone down to 15 minutes coffee date with our wife, and I know we're busy. I know that it's not always easy to find these windows.
Speaker 1:When we're managing kids' schedules, we're managing our own schedule and the demands at work. And when you are older, towards the end of life, you're not going to regret prioritizing these things. I guarantee you're not going to look back and be like I spent too much time playing with my kids. I spent too much time having coffee with my wife. That's not going to happen. What you might regret is working too much, working too late, spending too much time on your phone, working too late, spending too much time on your phone. So plan, put stuff on your calendar to be with your family, because when we plan it, our brain is focused on it. Our brain has already prioritized it. When we get to that date, when we planned it or that time, our brain doesn't have to be distracted. And when that time comes up on your calendar, be fully present, right, be there with your kids looking at them, with your wife hearing what she's going through, asking questions about her experience. It's about putting your phone away, turning it off, powering it down, putting it in a drawer really far away, not looking at your phone, not looking at a screen, not trying to also clean the house while you're having a conversation with your family.
Speaker 1:The pull to to disconnect, the pull to not really engage in meaningful relationships, is so easy to fall into. I mean, a lot of guys will say I feel like I'm pulled in too many directions. Well, you don't have to be. You can be deliberate about where you want to put your attention. And this message is to just remember that our relationships can be our top priority. And if you don't want them to be your top priority, that's fine. If you do need to work on your health and making yourself better. Yeah, that could be top priority right now, because when you work on yourself, when you're healthier, when you're meditating or journaling, you're able to focus your attention a little more. You don't zone out as much and then you can focus your attention on your relationship.
Speaker 1:So, greg McKeown, saying that we focus on ourself too much or the push is to focus on ourself it's a balance. And just check in with yourself. Where are you at with that balance? Are you focused too much on yourself? Are you focused too much at work? How much time, how much energy is putting into your relationships and are you bringing the good part of you to your relationships? I think that's where the self-development versus focusing on relationships really comes into play. Because if you're prioritizing your relationships but you're not showing up with that clean, whole part of you that's happy and easygoing, then there is some time and space to work on yourself. First get your shit right and then bring your full self to your relationships. So, no matter where you're at right now, check in with yourself what is your number one priority? What are you saying? Your number one priority is what's going to matter 10, 20 years down the road, and are you prioritizing that today. Have an awesome week.
