Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
The Durable Dad podcast gives men the skills and tools they need to be rock solid for their family, their work and their community.
Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
082: How to Get Out of a Rut
We don't want to make decisions from a rut. And by rut, I mean anxious, bummed out, down – When things feel stagnant or even in a downward spiral.
Here are three steps to get out a rut so you can make better decisions:
Step 1: What's the worst-case scenario? Let your brain run. Speak it out loud. Write it down. What's your brain worried might happen?
Step 2: What's the best-case scenario? Let your brain dream. It would be incredible if...
Step 3: What's the most likely scenario? This is where your brain can settle. From here, you can think more logically, and make decisions from a clear-headed place.
The truth is, you're making decisions all day every day. So if you're in a rut, it's important to address it before implementing rash decisions out of fear.
This is the Durable Dad Podcast. I'm your host, tommy Geary. This show is gonna give you the skills and tools you need to be a rock solid man for your work, your community and, most importantly, your family. All right, what's up? Episode number 82.
Speaker 1:It is Friday, october 4th, when I'm recording this, and earlier this week Kris Kristofferson, the musician, songwriter, died and I kind of want to give a shout out to him because I didn't really know his music up until 2012. And since then he's probably become one of my favorite artists. I only knew him before as kind of my mom's teenage heartthrob and one of her favorite musicians and also, if you remember the movie Blade with Wesley Snipes, the like vampire killer movie. Chris Christopherson actually played a role in that also, but that's really all I knew of him. And then in 2012 we went and saw him at Red Rocks me, my mom, my dad and Brenda and he was so captivating. He was on stage by himself just with his acoustic guitar and at one point my mom yelled out play Pilgrim. And I turned and looked and saw her and this mom of mine that I've known my whole life. I had heard about her in her teenage years. She talked about loving music, going to concerts, but in that moment, with her favorite artist up there and her saying, play her favorite song, it just kind of stuck and it was maybe a magical moment for me. But I want to give a shout out to him. If you don't know who Chris Christopherson is he died this week and maybe it's time you go check him out. And if you already know who he is, go back and listen to some of his tunes. Some of my favorites are the best of both possible worlds. Jesus was a Capricorn. Really. If you go and look at his album called the Essentials, just play it and it's freaking awesome and really big impact. So I'm giving a shout out to him.
Speaker 1:He had this one song called Sunday Morning Coming Down and if you haven't heard it, it's about a dude that's hung over on a Sunday and kind of down and out, and what we're talking about on the podcast today are those ruts that we can get in, are those times when our brain gets stuck in the worst case scenario. So not necessarily getting drunk on a Saturday, waking up Sunday with a hangover and cruising down the sidewalk, all busted up in your jacket and your jeans, wearing yesterday's misfortunes like a smile. I think that's the line from Chris Christopherson. But we're talking about those times when we just feel kind of down. And if you feel down, maybe it doesn't feel necessarily depressed, but it feels like you're scrambling all the time and it's more of an anxious feeling. When we're in those moments we're a little more all over the place, a little scattered.
Speaker 1:And I was talking to one of my clients and he was just filling me in on his week and as he was telling me what he was doing, what he was thinking about, I could just tell that he was moving really fast in his brain and he was telling me about how he was constantly checking emails and responding as quick as possible and he's been flying and moving and traveling and at home coaching and just all over the place, and what he wanted to talk about were in his business. He was thinking about making some decisions, about expenses and cutting costs and questioning salaries and how the compensation packages were set up. And I could just sense it was coming from this anxious energy. And when we're trying to make decisions business decisions, parenting decisions, just any decision we don't want to make it from the anxious energy when our brain's in more of that fight or flight mode. So in a coaching session is an awesome place, but you can also do it by yourself. To slow down and just start to separate yourself from your brain, because what was happening with this guy was that his brain was going down the worst case scenario.
Speaker 1:And when we blindly believe our brain, we get stuck in ruts, we get stuck in these frantic places, and your brain is a tool. It's not you, you are not your thoughts. Your brain is a tool. It's not you. You are not your thoughts. Your brain is a tool, and if we slow down enough, we can decide how to use that tool. Our mindset is so powerful. But if we don't understand what our mindset is, then we're letting our brain run blindly and the best tool in the universe is being used against us. All right. So what I want to do on the podcast today is give you a tactic that's going to get you in control of your brain so you can use it to make sound and wise decisions. We're making decisions all the time, hundreds and hundreds of decisions every day, and each one of those decisions create the life that we have. Our past decisions have created the life we have right now and the decisions we make in this moment are going to create the life we have in the future. So this tool is going to help you make conscious decisions. So this tool is going to help you make conscious decisions and it's three steps. So here's what you do.
Speaker 1:The first step is you play out the worst case scenario. So, in this case, the guy that I was coaching, he is in this business situation and we let his brain run and we talked about it and he was like oh, worst case scenario is I'm laying off people, I'm getting rid of some of the leadership team and I got to make all these adjustments and the business will survive, but it won't be good. And we just kind of let that scenario sit there. If that happened, what would you be believing about yourself as the CEO and leader? And he said I'd feel like a total loser and it would suck, really, really suck. So we let the brain go, play out that worst case scenario, settle there for a moment and then realize this is an imaginary future that the brain is making up. It's optional, it hasn't happened yet, but that's where the brain is going.
Speaker 1:So then the second step is you go to the best case scenario. You let the brain dream big, dream positively. And when we dove into that, he's like all right, best case scenario. We pick up all these clients that are in our pipeline, the big companies. We grow more of our current clients and get our product into different parts of their business and we get our annual revenue up to 10 million and eventually we're able to evaluate the business higher and someone buys the business and life is good. And we sit there for a moment, kind of let that soak in. What would you believe about yourself as a CEO in that case? Well, I believe that I'm pretty good at business. That's a better feeling we lay there.
Speaker 1:So now we've looked at the worst case scenario, we've dreamt up the best case scenario, and then the third step is you go to the most likely scenario. What's the most likely? Because, when we dream about the best case scenario, what was really interesting was that as soon as he said I'm pretty good at business, I'm a pretty good business owner, he paused and his brain went back to the worst case scenario. Well, that'll never happen. I'm really not that good. So this is the brain trying to take back control. But we're separating ourself from the brain. We did the worst case scenario. We did the best case scenario. The brain wants to go back to the worst case scenario, but we stop it and we say what's the most likely scenario? And by the time we get here the brain settled a little bit. There's a little bit of separation out what the revenue most likely would be. He laid out what clients would really book. Then his temperament was more level. It wasn't spiked in that worst case scenario, the rut, the anxiousness, the making rash decisions.
Speaker 1:So when you get to the most likely scenario, then you start asking yourself questions and in this case, like what's your role as the CEO in this most likely case? Oh, my role is to lead, set processes, develop, motivate my team. Talk about what that looks like. What's your role in sales and marketing and client relationships? Oh, it's building, finding new investors, it's nurturing our biggest clients. What's your role in your personal life in this most likely scenario? Oh, well, if everything's rolling at work, in this likely scenario, I'm more connected at home, I'm more patient as a dad. This is where we want to make decisions from.
Speaker 1:After all this, I pointed out hey, you came to the call ready to make some decisions and talk about compensation and where to cut costs. You came in this place of worst case scenario. What's going to be different if you make some of those decisions or consider those decisions from this most likely scenario or when you're believing you're pretty good at business? In that case, he said I'm going to take my time, I'm going to hear from all of my leadership group. We talked about Abraham Lincoln's leadership style and how he could hear other people's opinion, but at the end the buck stops with him and he gets to make those decisions. And this guy just was much more confident and level-headed that he could make those decisions in a way that wasn't from that fight or flight brain.
Speaker 1:That's the tactic to use and this could be used in a business sense where he was at. It could be used in a parenting situation. Right, we'll go to the worst case scenario. If my kid can't pay attention for five minutes at dinner and sit still, how is he ever going to sit in a business meeting or sit at a dinner with clients? Right, our brain will play out that worst case scenario. So we can do that in parenting. What's the best case scenario? Oh, my kid is super successful and really happy in life and has a great family.
Speaker 1:Go to that scenario and then what's most likely, most likely is our kids live a pretty normal life. They have some success. They have some failures. They have really great relationships. They have some success. They have some failures. They have really great relationships. They have tough relationships. They feel good. They don't feel good. When we can realize the likely scenario, as a parent, we can let go of trying to control and trying to make the most success, whatever the heck that means for our kid.
Speaker 1:So this tactic can be used in parenting anywhere. So this tactic can be used in parenting anywhere, anywhere you notice that your brain is projecting a worst-case scenario, let it project it. Then go to the best-case scenario, dream big and then go to the most likely scenario and then decide how you want to contribute to the most likely scenario. All right, that's what I got for you guys today. We're making decisions all the time. Make them from a calm, clear head and you're going to create the life that you want. You're going to be the parent you want, the dad that you want, the leader that you want to be. Have an awesome week and I'll catch you next time.
