Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
The Durable Dad podcast gives men the skills and tools they need to be rock solid for their family, their work and their community.
Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
087: Don't Discount the Small Talk
Small talk can be draining – surface-level conversations that leave you bored or tired.
But this episode will give you a new and valuable take on small talk.
Because if we’re only living for the big events, we’re missing out on 98% of life. The same goes with interactions with people.
Those small, seemingly meaningless conversations are actually the glue that holds us together.
This goes for our immediate family as well as strangers and aquaintances.
The small stuff happens to be the building blocks for the big stuff.
This is the Durable Dad Podcast. I'm your host, tommy Geary. This show is going to give you the skills and tools you need to be a rock solid man for your work, your community and, most importantly, your family. All right, what's up? Episode number 87. If you're listening to it, when it's released, merry Christmas Eve, happy Hanukkah Eve. Hanukkah and Christmas coincide this year, so whatever you're celebrating, whatever holiday it is this season, happy merry, enjoy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm recording on the 17th, so I still got a busy week ahead of me, but hopefully you're listening to this and you got some chill time lined up, probably heading into some holiday parties. And what I want to talk about today are those holiday parties and the interactions we're going to have with our immediate family and also our extended family, friends, and I want to talk about small talk. I'm going to talk about small talk, those little conversations, little interactions. A lot of the time I feel like it's surface level and it can drain me. Small talk can be draining. But I was listening to this talk some guy was giving. It was like a quick workshop and he was talking about the value of small talk and it kind of got me thinking differently about it. So today's message. Hopefully it'll be useful to you guys, like it was to me. It's already changed some conversations I've had with not random people, but just acquaintances, not great friends. So the message is don't discount the small talk, the small interactions. Those matter and it's where connection is built. And those little everyday conversations are where life is actually happening. And I was listening to a Tim Ferriss podcast a couple days ago and he was just talking about how, if we're only focused on the big moments, on the big successes in life, we're missing 98% of it of life. And he referenced this Kurt Vonnegut essay where he talks about life happening during the mundane. And I think I've actually read this passage or this essay years and years ago or I've heard other people reference it before. But pretty much Kurt Vonnegut.
Speaker 1:He would walk to the post office every day and he would stand in line and he would have these small interactions or just observe what was happening. And his wife would ask him like why, why do you do this? Why do you take the time to go to the post office and stand in line? It's boring. And he said that the boring stuff, the in-between, the big event stuff, is actually what makes life worth living.
Speaker 1:Then I think about when we lived in Colorado. We lived in this small town called Edwards and Brendan and I had an office in this little retail residential community area and we could walk to the grocery store and I would make my excuse to go to the grocery store a few times during the day to get a cookie or whatever kind of snack, to procrastinate what I was really supposed to be doing, probably, but what I enjoyed about it was probably the snack. But also, since it was such a little town and we knew the people that worked there, nine times out of ten I'd run into somebody that I knew and just the small talk, saying hi, a quick catch up. I always left with a smile on my face and I would get back and I'd have something to tell Brenda about. And we go through life really fast, really quickly. There's motivation and excitement about being really productive and that there's some type of accomplishment and feeling proud there. But the other emotions that we're looking for right when we move through life, what we are looking for is to feel a certain way and when we interact with other humans and we feel good. And that's what not discounting the small talk is all about. It's about being present for who you're talking to, because us humans enjoy that human to human interaction and if it fills you up a little, you're probably making someone else's day better as well. So you have the small talk with your immediate family, your wife, your kids, kind of around the house, everyday stuff, like now my daughter wanted to tell me all about her magnet tiles and the garage she built and the house she built and all the other little compartments and everything like that. That's small talk, right. We have neighbors in our neighborhood or we see at the bus stop when Brenda has this thing that she's been doing, I don't know, probably over the last year, I don't know how long, but when she sees someone she knows or a neighbor walking by and they have headphones in, she'll ask them what are you listening to? And it gets a little bit of a conversation going and you get to know that person a little bit better. There's more of a connection there Our extended family. We're going to be seeing a lot of them, not just me and Brenda, but you listening. You're probably going to be seeing extended family going into holiday parties and that's full of small talk.
Speaker 1:The opportunity here is to pull back a little bit, zoom out and look down at these small interactions you're having. You can do this with your family, your kids, your wife. Those are the most important relationships that we have and, at this time of the year, the parties that you're going to, the people that you're going to see, that you don't see very often. There's this scene in Home Alone where Kevin is leaving the church on Christmas Eve and walking to his house to protect his house and on that walk he stops and he looks in at this house that's having a party and there's one family walking in and another family in there greeting them and you just get this picture of how special that is and they're just saying hi, they're just saying happy holidays to each other, giving each other a hug, and it's an ordinary party, but it's heartwarming, it's fulfilling and that's the opportunity for you.
Speaker 1:So think about the goals you have in life, and I'm working on goals with my clients right now for 2025. What are their intentions? Where do they want to grow? What do they want more of? And when we think about goals, relationships are a huge part of our goal, and finding more fulfillment, finding more purpose in life, are also big goals that men have and they're good goals. They're goals we want, and every goal has a bunch of different small steps to get to the big goal. And this small talk, these small interactions, are steps towards the bigger relationships that you want.
Speaker 1:So the first question is are you really there for these small interactions when you're at dinner with your family? Are you fully there? Are you fully present, or are you checking your phone? Or are you zoned out, preoccupied about what you have to do after dinner or the work that was left undone in the to-do list that you have? Are you available for the small talk If you're in a conversation with someone at one of these holiday parties, or even at work in the office, wherever?
Speaker 1:If you're in a conversation, are you really listening to the person?
Speaker 1:Are you hearing them?
Speaker 1:Are you curious, asking questions, or are you thinking about what's happening next or how to wrap things up so you can get to the next conversation? Just be aware if you're missing an opportunity for some connection, if you're missing an opportunity to slow down and get what you really want out of life a better relationship, deeper connections. This idea not discounting the small talk, it has impacted me. It's allowed me to have some different conversations the last couple days and I hope that it impacts you. I hope that your upcoming get-togethers you'll be a little more present, think a little bit differently about how you're talking to someone, because if you listen to someone, if you hear them, if you ask questions, not only will you feel fulfilled but you'll help that other person feel better. Give that other person a little bit of a spark and connection. So small talk, it seems trivial, but it's not. It's actually what brings your relationships even closer, holds us together. Give it a little more appreciation this holiday season and I hope you have a happy, awesome holiday. I'll catch you next time.
