Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
The Durable Dad podcast gives men the skills and tools they need to be rock solid for their family, their work and their community.
Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
089: Top 4 Strategies to Navigate Career Change
Why would a successful man shift careers?
Maybe you want more freedom, flexibility, autonomy. Maybe you want to feel like you're making a difference – that what you're doing matters. Or maybe it's all of the above.
Whatever your motivation, you're not alone in wanting to make career changes despite having reached certain milestones in your life.
When men feel the nudge, 4 main excuses tend to stop guys in their tracks until retirement:
1. Time.
2. Financial success.
3. Their wife may not be on board.
4. Feels too late to make a change.
Today's episode will address all four of these obstacles so you can navigate through each of them and pursue career that lights you up.
Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map
This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.
To give your kids more time and attention.
Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.
Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.
https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap
This is the Durable Dad Podcast. I'm your host, tommy Geary. This show is going to give you the skills and tools you need to be a rock solid man for your work, your community and, most importantly, your family. All right, what's up? Episode number 89.
Speaker 1:It is the first time we're recording for 2025, pretty sure and happy 2025. This is the 15th of the month, so we're only just over two weeks in and we got a long year ahead of us. So what I want to tell you guys is that we hosted a workshop the last weekend and I talked about it on the podcast, so maybe you knew it was happening. It was awesome. A lot of good things came out of it, a lot of inspiration, a lot of awareness, aha moments and momentum to roll with going forward. So we're going to do the workshop virtually, so go to the website, TommyGCoachingcom and check out the details. It's on January 29th, 8 pm. It's a Wednesday. It's going to be awesome. One hour you're going to leave. Have some clear goals, some clear direction for the rest of the year, so it's not too late to plan your 2025. All right, and kind of along the same lines.
Speaker 1:One of the things that came up in these workshops were career changes. This time of the year, when we start a new year, I think career changes come up for a lot of people. What came out of these workshops was when a few people reflected on 2024, they saw the time, the effort that went into their jobs and just an opportunity to question is that where I want to be putting all my time and effort? Yes, I want to work hard, but am I working hard at the right thing? So we're going to talk about career changes today and we're going to talk about why people crave career changes and the excuses that the brain comes up with, the excuses that hold us back, stop us in our tracks, and how to break free of those barriers so we can start taking steps, start designing the career that you do want. So start with why. Why would a successful man that has a stable life want to change careers? There's a few reasons. Sometimes it's autonomy, sometimes it's more flexibility.
Speaker 1:I think for most of us it's not an overnight thing. You don't wake up one day and like I want to change my job, I want to start my own business. It's usually a voice, kind of a nagging voice, that's been around for a while, saying there's more out there saying there's other things that I want to do. For me it was. I wanted to make a difference and I kept telling myself that in my job.
Speaker 1:I don't know how much I've talked about my career change on the podcast, but I was at my corporate job in Colorado for about 15 years and probably about six years in I started saying I'm going to be out of here in two years. I'm going to be out of here in two years. Some voice in my head, or probably more like my heart, was telling me that this isn't where I wanted to be. But it took another six years, seven years, to actually leave the job. I didn't just do the math in my head, but basically what I'm saying is that it totally is a normal thought process or a normal calling that a lot of humans have. And, yes, all around us we have stability, we have material success, but are we fulfilled? Do we have purpose? And that's usually what a career change can bring is some more meaningful work in our life. So I want to talk about the excuses that we come up with that stop us, but before that I want to say you don't want to change your job because you hate your current job. That might sound a little bit weird. If you hate your job, shouldn't you go find a new one? Not exactly, because If you hate your job because you don't get along with other people or that you feel disrespected or undervalued, changing your circumstance, the role that you have, isn't going to solve those kinds of problems, those kinds of issues. If you hate your job, there's things to work on to get some more happiness, contentment, not super excited, but more neutral place at your job before you move.
Speaker 1:There's one guy that I was working with for a while and he ended up changing careers. But before he did, him and the CEO just did not get along well and they butted heads a lot and we did a lot of work on that relationship, communication, expectations, how to allow someone to be pissed off and not just respond with more frustration and anger and he worked on it. He got to a good place where he was handling himself better. Then he ended up deciding yeah, I still don't want to be here, I want to change it up. He also had the wanted more flexibility, and now he's at a place where he's got a couple side gigs and he's spending more time with his kids and he's taking vacations. But he didn't leave his job because he hated it. He did the work, and the work that he did there allowed him to leave in more of a neutral way. All right, so that's the disclaimer. Don't leave your job because you hate it. Leave your job because there's a calling to do more, to find some purpose, fulfillment. Those are the strong reasons to make a career change.
Speaker 1:Now, when we get this idea to change our career, our brain is going to really quickly come up with a list of reasons why it can't happen. I call these obstacle thoughts. A lot of the times we'll think they're facts, but they're actually thoughts. These are the excuses, the doubt, the fears. They're going to come up, they're supposed to come up, and I'm going to run through some of the most common. And the first one, especially for men that have kids, is time.
Speaker 1:There's this concept in coaching that says don't be down in the dance floor with your client, be up in the balcony. Be down in the dance floor with your client. Be up in the balcony. So pretty much what this means is that don't be in the chaos with your client. Rise to like this higher vantage point where you can see the forest instead of just being. I'm going to use another analogy to explain an analogy that's never helpful. Be on the balcony looking at the dance floor, seeing all the options, seeing where there are times to move, and call bullshit on our excuses. Not be on the dance floor. And time for me is a tough one to be out on the balcony.
Speaker 1:One of the guys that was at the workshop we were talking afterwards and brainstorming and strategizing and one of his excuses about changing career was he doesn't have time kids, his current job, house stuff, all the responsibilities that we have. For me it's that's a hard one to be up in the balcony because I freaking get it, and if that was my buddy that came up to me, that's probably where we would start, like I get it and I told him I get it, but that's not a coach's job. So if I rise up out of the dance floor, not just with this guy, but what I see a lot is that we have to first get really honest about our time. Is there some cleanup to do there? I have a buddy that's swamped right now. Some stuff happened with his company. He's got some extra responsibility and he's just got extra going on and he's been stressed about it and he shared his screen time like a few days later pretty much as a joke, but it was kind of serious. But his screen time was a lot and it was a lot of social media and we kind of laughed about it and it happens right. There's no judgment there, but we do have to clean up our time how we're allocating our time.
Speaker 1:When we're stressed and anxious, we find a release in ways that aren't productive. We go to the phone or we go to the TV or we go on LinkedIn and look at other job opportunities that we really aren't prepared for. We don't have a resume, we're not really going to go applying for other jobs, but are you using your time in a productive way, like when your kids go to bed? Are you watching TV or are you setting things up for a successful day the next day and winding down so you can get a good night's sleep? That's the first part about time that, like our brain tells us we don't have time, but we probably have more time than we think and if you are pretty strict and clean with your time management, then it's time to look at your priorities. So what's on your list that you're saying yes to, but what you're really doing is saying no to changing your career. What are you committing to because you don't want to disappoint somebody else? What are you not delegating? Because you could do it better than they could do it, so I'm just going to do it this time. There's lots of ways to create more time in our life and if you're looking to make a career change, start your own business, and your brain says you don't have the time. You got to call bullshit on the brain and think through it a different way. So those are some ideas.
Speaker 1:Another thing that the brain will say when we're trying to make a change in our career is cost our finances. This one is something that we want to take a close look at. We have to be responsible with our finances, but oftentimes we underestimate the amount of financial freedom that we actually have. So instead of just making a blanket statement that money is a concern here, look at your spending. I had one guy that was wanting to save money throughout the year so it was actually last year, 2024, we were doing some goal setting stuff and he wanted to save X amount of money and we just had a call a couple of weeks ago and he was reviewing 2024 and he ended up saving like 10x of what he had planned to save, which is kind of crazy. He thought that he'd only be able to save a little bit and he was able to 10x that over the year.
Speaker 1:Our financial freedom or we just need to clean up our spending. So are you really spending money on what you want to be spending money on? This is about having some type of budget or some type of actual goal. Get the numbers out of your head and put it on paper, because if we just keep making more money in our life, we're going to just keep spending more money, and then the lifestyle we've locked ourself into the budget that we have. But if you're wanting to change career, finances is something that you're going to have to navigate, but don't let it stop you. Take some action on really looking at your budget. I'm thinking of another guy that wanted to leave his teaching career to start a real estate career and the first thing we worked together on was actual budget, paying down debt and putting his family in a place where it's not freaking irresponsible to make the jump.
Speaker 1:So one other note on the financial piece of changing your job is health benefits. Don't let that block your pursuit of a new career, and this is probably for someone that wants to start their own business. Again, crunch the numbers. What are your insurance options? And if you did leave your career and have to insure yourself, how much more would you be paying? It's going to be more, yes, but is it that much? It becomes just a number and then you can make some decisions. Is it just 5K more a year?
Speaker 1:That was a big thing for Brenda and I. When Brenda started her own business and got it to a place where I could leave my corporate job but my corporate job had our health insurance and there was a block for us Our brains were telling us that, oh no, we need to hold onto these nice corporate benefits. But when we put the numbers down I don't remember exactly what it was at the time, but we ended up going with the disaster insurance, high deductible and a higher premium also. But whatever it was, we could afford it. We had the money saved up in the bank. We could afford it. So two obstacles so far, two excuses. Our brain tells us time and cost our financial situation.
Speaker 1:So next one that comes up is that my wife won't get on board with this. So the question there is if your brain's telling you your wife won't get on board with this, how much have you already talked about your current mental health at your current job and this nagging voice that's telling you to do more with your wife? Have you been open about it, vulnerable about it with her? Because what happens is that sometimes a man doesn't talk to his wife about an idea because he doesn't have it figured out yet. He doesn't have all the pieces together and he feels like he needs to have it all figured out before he talks to his wife about it. And the problem that comes up with that is you're holding all this like pressure and questioning in your head and instead of communicating it, it shows up as being crabby, as being distant, and now you're not on the same team with your wife. You have all these ideas in your head and you haven't communicated them to her and she sees it as like you're kind of being an asshole. What's going on?
Speaker 1:So I would encourage there to be a conversation there, and what usually happens is that your wife wants to know if you're not feeling fulfilled, if you're feeling exhausted, if you're feeling run down, and she wants you to be inspired, to be lit up, to have a fire. A man that is working towards something and is excited is a much better father, a much better husband, and for Brenda and I, those have been the times when we've come together the most, when we're going after something new and it feels like you're on the same team having a goal about the kids. But when either you have a professional goal to go after and you're working together towards it, or your wife does and you're helping her work towards her and you're cheerleading each other, that's when a relationship can really get stronger. So that excuse of wife won't be on board. It's an opportunity to have a conversation. If you don't know how to have that conversation, if it's hard for you to open up to your wife, then set up a strategy session with me. That's your answer. I will coach you, help you through that how to have those kinds of conversations. We're at the beginning of the year. If you want to hit the year running, set up a 50 minute strategy call that 50 minutes can really propel you forward. Or come to the drive 2025 workshop that's happening the 29th. That will also be very impactful to motivate you to have these kinds of conversations.
Speaker 1:So last excuse that I'm going to go through and this is just going to be a quick one is it's too late in my career, I'm too old to change now. I don't want to go backwards, I don't want to be the low man on the totem pole. This one, it's like life is about learning more. Life is about trying new things. So don't let that excuse or that pride get in the way. There's this quote don't keep doing it because you've mastered it. Stop doing it because you've mastered it. It's from Derek Sivers. He's kind of a character, but he dropped some wisdom and I think that's a good one.
Speaker 1:So those are the excuses our brain will feed us. I don't have enough time to do the things that need to happen to make a career change or start my own business. I don't have the money, the cost doesn't work out, my wife won't be on board, it's too late, I'm too old in my career. When we start telling ourselves that we should go after something bigger, go after a change, our brain comes in and tells us all the reasons we can't and that gets pretty focused on the negative and I think what's really there is a self-doubt worry, fear that you can't do it, that you can't do it. And in this commencement speech that Jim Carrey gives, he says so many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. So when you think about these excuses, they all seem practical, but are they disguising an underlying fear that your dreams won't happen? So flip it. Your dreams can happen. Start taking some little actions. Little steps will create more opportunities and I've seen it happen countless times.
Speaker 1:So, if you're wanting to make a change, start taking some action, and I've given you some in the built into these excuses, but real quick. Get clear on your financial situation. Get a clear picture of where you're at financially. Set up coffee with someone, someone who's already done what you want to do, someone that's hopped around careers, started their own business, or someone that just inspires you. Third, have a conversation with your wife. Not a dreamy, whimsical, impulsive conversation, but a strategic, vulnerable conversation. Get on the same page, get excited together about what opportunities are out there for you, because there's a lot. So that's what I got for you guys this week Career changes, starting your own business. If you've got those dreams, take some steps. Get after it 2025. If you want to get clear on where you're heading. Check out the website for the workshop that's coming up in a couple of weeks. All right, have an awesome week.
