Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
The Durable Dad podcast gives men the skills and tools they need to be rock solid for their family, their work and their community.
Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
097: Doing the Hard Thing
Lots of guys are wired to push—at work, in training, and for your family. But the real challenge isn’t pushing harder… it’s knowing when to pause.
In this episode, we unpack what it actually means to do the hard thing as a high-performing man. It’s not just finishing a Spartan race. It’s staying calm with your kids. It’s being present at a family event you’d rather skip. It’s learning how to quiet the part of you that always wants to go.
Highlights:
- Why the “grind” mindset stops working at home
- The difference between achievement and presence
- A client’s insight on what’s really hard as a dad
- How to access the calm, grounded version of yourself
- A guided 5-minute practice you can use anytime
Take Action:
Try the meditation. It’s 5 minutes. It could change how you show up tonight at dinner.
This is the Durable Dad Podcast. I'm your host, tommy Geary. This show is going to give you the skills and tools you need to be a rock solid man for your work, your community and, most importantly, your family. All right, what's up? Episode number 97.
Speaker 1:Last week, I got to go to a Spartan race. I did not race. I was there with 12 guys cheering them on, supporting them, and a lot of them. It was their first Spartan race and it was the Spartan Beast, which is 13 miles, 30 obstacles, muddy, rugged terrain, and it was beautiful out, and then it was raining, and then it was beautiful out and it was muddy, and they all finished. A lot of them listen to this podcast. So congrats, guys that raced finished and I've been through seven Spartan races been doing it since 2021. And after the first race, I wanted to help other guys complete races and next week I'm going to launch a training program. Me and my buddy, Craig are going to launch a training program to prepare for an obstacle course race. That's what these Spartan races are called. They're savage races. There's Tough Mudders. We're going to launch a program to train for an obstacle course race and then we're going to travel together to complete it and it's in Carolina. It's in November, so look out for that. That's going to come out next week. You'll get it if you're on my email list. If you're not on my email list, get on the email list. That's going to be a cool way to get excited this summer. Put something on your calendar train, get your body in better shape to do a race together. So look out for that.
Speaker 1:Today's episode we're going to talk about doing hard things and not a Spartan obstacle course race. That's not the hard thing that we're going to talk about today. I had a client that during our session. He said I want to stay motivated to do the hard thing, and when I asked him what that meant, he said the hard thing is not getting impatient with my kids meant. He said the hard thing is not getting impatient with my kids. It's being at family activities events that I don't really want to be at without getting frustrated or grumpy or cranky, and I think this is something that a lot of us go through.
Speaker 1:I was listening to a Tim Ferriss podcast and he was interviewing this author, brandon Sanderson, and they were talking about how a lot of high-performing guys I think it was Brandon that said feel like when they're with people, they're not really with people, because our brain is always thinking about the next thing we have to do or where else we would rather be, and the problem with this is that it takes away from us being present, us being in the moment. There's some quote that's like our worry about tomorrow takes away from our joy today. So back to my client. When I asked him what does it take to do this hard thing, to not be impatient, to not get frustrated, enjoy the moment more, and he said it's slowing down, it's knowing how to let go of needing to do more. And I thought that was so spot on, because I hear so many guys say that they push, that they got to keep going. There's a lot going on right now. It's a grind. I just got to keep pushing it. And that mindset creates a lot of financial success. It can create a lot of success training and getting your body ready for a Spartan race or some kind of physical challenge.
Speaker 1:And the same guys that want to push, that want to grind, they're the ones that aren't getting great sleep. They're the ones that are bringing outside stress and anxiety into the home life. They're really busy, they're pushing, they're working late hours, but it's not effective hours, they're not efficient hours, they're putting out fires all day, they're go, go, going. And that part of us a lot of guys will identify as that kind of guy that just keeps going, the a type. But that's not all of us and I'm not saying to get rid of it, but we want to access a different part of us, the part that can slow down. And we all have it. We all have it in us. Because when we slow down, when we access that part, that's when we can think clearly, we can think creatively, we can use our prefrontal cortex, the part of our brain that makes us human, frontal cortex, the part of our brain that makes us human, to plan ahead, to connect with our wife more. It allows us to play with our kids instead of always being in a rush. So I'm not saying get rid of the push, the grind, the part of you that likes to work late, don't get rid of it. But that's actually the easy thing to do To just stay there and keep pushing, keep grinding. That's easy.
Speaker 1:The hard thing, the new hard thing to do, is to not obey that voice. It's to have the urge to do more to get the next thing done, to keep going and instead pause. Because when you don't obey that voice, there's stillness, there's calmness and that's where we can connect with our wife more, where we can listen more easily, where we can play with our kids can listen more easily, where we can play with our kids At work. It's where we can stop, pause, look at our to-do list, prioritize correctly and then focus and get more stuff done. We want to quiet this voice. So how do you do it?
Speaker 1:You start to realize that you are not that voice Now. You start to realize that it's chatter in your brain and although we tie a lot of our identity to being productive and our financial success and success in our career and checking things off the list, as much as we identify with that being of value to us, we have to realize that that's not all of us. It's a voice in our head. So, to get to know that part better, we're going to practice it, because a lot of the time on this podcast I teach lessons and I give examples, but what we don't do on this podcast is actually practice. So we're just going to do it. We're going to learn how we get to know that voice, and what we're going to do is we're going to do a short, five minute meditation that really allows them to separate from that part of themselves. That is successful, does help in this world, but doesn't help when it comes to interpersonal relationships, doesn't help when it comes to taking care of themselves.
Speaker 1:So if you're driving unless there's somewhere you really really need to be, pull over, try this out. If you're walking right now or working out, just stop and you can stand while you're doing this meditation. And if part of you is like I don't have time for this, I'm not going to try this. This is stupid. I've never meditated before. I'm going to go, listen to something else. That might be the voice that's always telling you to go, go, go, and this might be a challenge, right Right here for you to meditate. All right, won't take more than five minutes, and we're going to start by looking around us.
Speaker 1:So look at your surroundings, look up down, over your left shoulder, over your right shoulder, over your left shoulder, over your right shoulder, and then, if you want, you can close your eyes, and if you want to just keep your eyes open, you can just lower them towards the ground. Lower your view towards the ground and we'll take two breaths together, trying to breathe into our lungs and filling up the chest. So breathe in and out, another one into the, into the chest, into the lungs, breathe in and out and just start to feel some calm, start to feel some relaxing and put all of your attention down into your feet, feel your toes down into your feet, feel your toes, the tops of your feet, the bottoms of your feet, your heels, and then feel your shins, your calves, feel your knees, put your attention in your thighs, your hamstrings, your glute muscles, your hip flexors, and then see if you can just relax everything from the waist down. And then notice your stomach, notice your lower back, feel your rib cage, feel your lungs, your heart, your upper back, breathe in and exhale and relax your shoulders, relax, relax your arms, biceps, triceps, elbows, through your wrists, your fingers. Soften, soften, relax your throat and your neck. Soften your jaw, soften your eyes and the muscles around your eyes, relax the brain, relax the back of the head.
Speaker 1:And then zoom out to your whole body, from your head all the way down to your toes, and imagine there's a box to the left of you on the ground. It's an empty box and we're going to put in that box everything that we're thinking about, everything that's already happened today, everything that needs to happen, Anything you're worried about, just one by one, put it in the box, just one by one. Put it in the box and actually see yourself taking it and placing it in the box, and then we're going to move that box a little bit to the left and you're going to notice that you're feeling a little calmer, a little lighter, a little slower. Notice your breath. That box we're not pushing it away forever, but right now we're letting those things go and any sense of ease that you feel and any sense of ease that you feel.
Speaker 1:This is the space that we need to create more. This is the hard thing that we have to learn how to do as men, because from here, we can play more with our kids, we can be present and empathize with our wife, we can delegate a task without worrying that it has to be perfect, letting go. All right, I'm going to leave you. You can stay here for a little if you want, or you can move on with your day, appreciate you being here, as always. Thank you, and I will catch you next time. You.
