Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
The Durable Dad podcast gives men the skills and tools they need to be rock solid for their family, their work and their community.
Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
108: Unfamiliar Territory
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Most men say they want growth, but avoid the unfamiliar territory where it actually happens.
Highlights:
• Why comfort pulls high-achieving men into quiet ruts.
• The link between physical challenge and feeling alive again.
• The Rim to River adventure.
• What happens when you train for something that scares you a little.
• How unfamiliar experiences reset your mindset more than any routine tweak.
Takeaways:
• Schedule something on your calendar that requires preparation.
• When discomfort shows up, name it as unfamiliar—not wrong.
• Use challenge to create energy for work, marriage, and fatherhood.
Guest:
Craig Speer—men’s health coach helping guys over 40 get strong, lean, and capable.
Stop Losing Your Temper Road Map
This roadmap will teach you how to have more patience.
To give your kids more time and attention.
Anger isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility.
Learn how to manage it so it doesn't get the best of you.
https://www.tommygcoaching.com/roadmap
Meet Craig And The Mission
SPEAKER_01This is the Durable Dad Podcast. I'm your host, Tommy Geary. This show is going to give you the skills and tools you need to be a rock solid man for your work, your community, and most importantly, your family. All right, what's up? Episode 108. There is another voice on the podcast today. It is Craig Speer, the guy that I've talked about on the podcast, the guy that I run our adventure trips with. And he is here. Craig and I have known each other since 2020. We went to the same life coaching certification school. Craig's a former pro football player. He's owned Jim's entrepreneur throughout his whole young life. We're still young, right? We're 42, you're 45. In the last five years, we've gotten to know each other really well, just both growing our own coaching businesses, now leading these trips together. So what's up, dude?
SPEAKER_00Not too much. It's a great day, and I'm so honored and happy to be here and talk all things adventure and rim-to-rim and canyon adventures that we have going on.
SPEAKER_01Sweet. You're a men's health coach helping guys over 40 lose weight. I guess what I wanted to talk about was like challenges in life. So if you're working with men to lose weight, lose weight is a challenge. I think I've gone through my challenges with losing weight and getting healthier, and a lot of men do. You know, it's not all about exercise, but how does like physical challenge come into the picture of how you work with the guys you work with?
SPEAKER_00I think they're they're really important. I I even just look at myself. I've I'm a lifelong athlete. I've always been someone who exercised and took care of himself when I'm at my best. I've always had something that's that I'm working towards, a challenge, whether it's uh a 5K, a marathon, a run, a hike. I've always had something that was sort of like the goalpost. It kept me accountable. It helped me on those days when I didn't have a lot of motivation to
Why Challenges Keep Men Accountable
SPEAKER_00get up and do that workout or to eat right because I knew I was gonna inevitably have to accomplish this thing.
SPEAKER_01What I think about with challenges and having something on the books, a date that you've signed up for, you've committed to that challenge definitely hold you accountable. You said when you're at your best, you've had stuff on. What about when you haven't been at your best?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think routine is great. Our brains crave routine that it wants to know what's coming up, certainty, predictability. I think once you settle into that day-to-day and you've got a good workout habit or you're eating well, that's all great. But then there's times where it can just get boring. It can just get the same repetitive process day after day after day. And so I've noticed in the past where whatever I've slipped or fallen off, because we all do, we get into a rut. There's something that goes on in our life that causes us to go into survival mode, and those things start to fall away, our best habits.
SPEAKER_01I think about when I became a dad, my daughter was probably eight months old, and we were in Colorado. We lived on this ranch, it was big, beautiful, and it was tucked in this valley, and there was a ridgeline that I had wanted to get to the top of. I wanted to climb it. I wasn't doing it, making excuses. I was too busy, feeling like I had to be home with the family, couldn't take my own time. You know, you were talking about that rut. That's where I like ended up. I remember sitting in my office. I was in the corporate job. I was talking to Brendan. I was just like, I feel like I'm just wasting my time. I was going to the vending machine, and the like two o'clock in the afternoon, I was just drained. I had a coach at the time. And when I started bringing this up to her, she kind of picked at my limiting beliefs and everything like that, why I was stuck. And she asked, Well, what's something small that you could do that would get you excited? And right away, it was just like climb that ridge. Then my brain comes in and tells me all the reasons why I shouldn't do it because I don't have the time and all the reasons why I haven't been doing it. And it took a little scheduling, it took taking an hour off of work and leaving an hour early and going to do it and having Brenda pick up our daughter. Just like that day leading up to it, knowing that I was doing it, I already felt more excited. Walking up to that ridgeline, something that I've been wanting to do, kind of bushwhacking up there, outside, sun was out, breathing heavy, hitting the top. It was just like like a breath of like fresh air. Or actually, one of the guys on the recent Grand Canyon trip said he didn't realize how much energy I was storing. And as we're talking about this, I know we'll have a few Grand Canyon trips, and I'm not going to mention guys' names. So I'm just going to be like, that guy, that guy. So one of the guys, he was like, I forgot how much energy is stored in our body when we just sit around so much. And he had this release like lightning. And that's what I felt on this ridgeline. And it gave me that awareness that, oh, I need this in my life. I need to sprinkle it in. I don't need it all the time every day, but to have something on my calendar that keeps me excited, keeps me accountable.
SPEAKER_00It lights you up and energizes you. And I think that's kind of what the essence of this conversation
Ruts, Routine, And The First Ridge
SPEAKER_00so far is that that's what a challenge brings. Yeah, it's scary. Yeah, you have to be accountable and prepare for it. And it gets you out of your comfort zone, but it will light you up. It'll energize you. But it's not all the time. There's there's lots of times where season of life, you can't commit that kind of time or energy. But I think having something is really, really important, especially for guys.
SPEAKER_01And I I know you and I have tended to our conversations can go towards the evolution of a human being, our DNA and the environment that we're currently in. We're not supposed to be sitting at a desk all the time.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00Virtually everybody I coach, they're very sedentarian, they're day-to-day. They get up, they drive to work, they're sitting, they're at work, they're sitting. They get home and they're tired and they go to sit on the couch, just sitting all the time. We need to move our bodies, not even just for our physical health, our mental health. We we need it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and so the environment we're in right now doesn't lend itself to that primitive part of us that wants to be out there hiking, whether it's hunting or foraging or running away from some saber-toothed tiger. We're safe. Everything that we do requires us to sit down and get after it. So we have to find a physical challenge or commit to it to change that up, to get us what we like actually really need.
SPEAKER_00We are too safe. We're too comfortable now. We've gone the other direction. We need to bring some risk, some discomfort back into our lives. And whether that's a hike or the trip, I think anybody listening to this should ask themselves, what can I do to energize myself and bring this kind of element into my life? And that's something you have to do actively.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So we have this amazing Grand Canyon trip that we're reopening right now. This kind of opportunity is something that I feel like we make it really easy for guys to come on a trip like this. There's the challenge, there's the physical challenge, and there's also something about being outside, being in the wilderness or the wild or these amazing places. Is that new for you with the Grand Canyon? Or what's your experience with the nature part of the challenge?
SPEAKER_00So I, you know, I've always done competitive stuff, races, triathons, marathons. I know you've I know you've done less Spartan races, and there's something unique about those experiences where it's on the calendar, it's organized, you show up, there's other people, people cheering, there's people participating, there's the buzz about being in the competition. Ultimately, you compete and it's hard and you finish. I feel like for me, the first time I did the Grand Canyon was completely different. It was just me and a buddy of mine that we did this. There was no one there waiting for us, there's no one there to cheer us on. And now you're in this completely natural environment. I still had the physical challenge, but it's completely different from what I had experienced before in a competitive environment. And for me at this stage of my life, that just is such a bigger draw. And as soon as I was finished, I remember taking the shuttle back from the North for him being like, I'm doing this again and I want to bring more people with me because people need to experience this. There is a spiritual element to it. There is something I'm sure you felt the exact same way this year. So that's what I love about that. So if someone's done a race before, a marathon or even a 5K or a Spartan race or something like that, those are amazing and keep doing those. They're great. But this is something that is completely different.
SPEAKER_01So Spartan races at the end, you jump over a fire and you cross the finish line and they give you a medal and you're all dirty and everything. And that's a it's a good feeling of accomplishment, of achievement. Ending the Grand Canyon, totally a feeling of accomplishment, but there is a difference. I don't even know how to put my finger on it necessarily, but but being in the outdoors, there is something different about it. And you mentioned
Stored Energy And Feeling Alive
SPEAKER_01the competition part of it. This is something that some of the guys that we went with had a little concern about going into it. It's not a race that you're signing up for, there's no bibs, but our competitive nature is there. One, we're competing against ourselves because we're signing up for this huge hike and we get we're gonna have to train and we want to do well, but now there's other dudes there. Am I gonna hold the group back? Am I gonna be the one that slows everybody else down? That is something that's in a lot of guys' heads because we talked about it. And how would you address that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think it's a unique element because we do travel as a group, and there's a varying degree of fitness levels. You have some guys who are been active their whole life, and it's not a huge stretch for them to complete the hike, even though it's 16, 17 miles, 5,000 feet of elevation going up, 5,000 feet going down. But you also have some guys who have been sedentary for most of their lives, but they like to travel.
SPEAKER_01They see the unique challenge and the unique opportunity that or at least uh uh just for that group of guys, I'll say they were athletes, they were active. Something happens when we have a big job, get married, have kids, where all of a sudden we have put on the pounds and we don't feel like an athlete.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, you know, our health is a backseat. And so then this opportunity comes along and they start to think, oh, am I even going to be capable of doing this? This is something I haven't done in a long time. And what I say is what's included in this adventure and this journey is all of the training and all of the preparation. So the main focus of the training program is to make sure that everyone has a safe and successful completion of the hike. That's number one. I could care less how fast someone does this thing or how good they feel at the end. It's do you finish it? So no matter where you're at, I this is what I believe about the value or I guess the efficacy of the program is that it will get any guy who's currently sedentary now to the finish line, to the top of the canyon.
SPEAKER_01And the other part that's like, I'm gonna slow everyone else down is such a bullshit story that we tell ourselves because just being out there last time and all the different hiking and skiing and trips I've taken people on. No one else in the group is thinking that. No one else in the group is like, oh, dang it, this guy's slowing us down. I'm pissed at this guy. No, we're in it together and we want to finish together.
SPEAKER_00It it is. It's a it's a BS story that some guys will latch on to and tell like I don't want to hold anybody up. And it's kind of an out. We've created the program and we've created the format in a way that's not even an issue at all. It's not about who's fast, who's not fast. We're all in this together. And that's one of the things that really clicked
Too Safe, Too Comfortable
SPEAKER_00when we did the hike is even the guys waiting at the top, we all finished together. And it was just, it was such a team effort. If some guys have that belief or that thought that I'm not in, I'm not gonna be in good enough shape or I'm gonna hold people back, we dispelled that pretty easily on the last trip.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and the group calls were pretty cool leading up to it. One guy shares, you know, honestly, I'm a little nervous, I'm gonna hold guys back. Two other guys are like, yeah, me too. So you understand, okay, everyone's got these same worries, concerns. And that kind of reminds me of how a few of the guys didn't really realize this until we were in the program, but they were nervous about being with other dudes, like hanging out with a group of strangers. I think about one guy. Here we go again with the generalities, one guy that said it, and it really surprised you because he was one of your clients that you'd worked with for a few years. And what do you think was going on there?
SPEAKER_00I don't know, it's really interesting because he's uh in sales, he's very uh outgoing, great personality, and I think uh just the nature of being in a new place around new people. Um can you know, I I was one of the leaders on the trip and definitely felt a little nervousness, and that's normal. It's to be expected. And then the more you get to know guys and talk to them and hang out with them, it just completely melts away and you feel complete at ease. So I think that's one of the things that's really valuable about this trip is it it does create discomfort, but that's a good thing. It gives you a safe opportunity to be curious about that, dive into it a little bit, confront it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so you're nailing it because if we think about this conversation that we've already had, men want a challenge. There's a voice that's like, get out there, do something badass, go explore. It's innate in us. And then there are these challenges. You said you got to set yourself up for discomfort because our current environment is too safe and too comfortable. These are the things that are uncomfortable. The stories that I'm gonna hold everybody back, that I'm not in good enough shape, that I'm gonna be with guys I don't know, and it's gonna be a little nervous. And those kinds of stories create this like hesitation inside you. And now all of a sudden, that idea of going to the Grand Canyon with this group trip, I'm questioning it. I don't know if I should go. Like you said, those are the opportunities to step through it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, go ahead. If I can just offer just one thing, I think this is really important, is you're explaining this, these thoughts and these stories really well. And it leads to this place where some guys just like it doesn't feel right. Maybe it's not the right time. And I would challenge that, not that it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel familiar because you're used to doing the nine to five and the drive home and the sit and the stay within your own familial network or social network and not seek discomfort. The whole goal here is to seek things that are unfamiliar, and then that becomes right. You know, there's so many guys who didn't know on this trip that they needed this trip.
SPEAKER_01That should it feels unfamiliar, unfamiliar, and that's what I'm want to lean into. Yeah. So another thing that might not feel right is that we're busy. I can't leave work.
Nature Versus Competition
SPEAKER_01I can't leave my wife. It'll put too much of a strain on her if I'm gone for four nights. I would say that's another one of the times where it's like, oh, this isn't the right time. Maybe when my kids are a little bit older, maybe next quarter when work slows down.
SPEAKER_00Right. And it'll be the new year when guys are considering this going into January, and oh, it's not the right time. It's a busy quarter or it's too cold. It's gonna be the winter during training. Like, there's no way I can do this in the winter. So we come up with all these ideas and stories as to why it's not the right time. Yeah. You know, challenge that. When is the right time?
SPEAKER_01And I think that's what you know. I when I told that story about when I was back in a corporate job and feeling in a rut, I had those same stories and they feel real. I talked about this a few podcasts ago when we got back from the canyon. That feeling of guilt. I should be working, I should be making money for my family, or I don't want to put the extra strain on my wife. That feeling of guilt isn't wrong. It's just a signal that you care. You care about your family, you care about your work and your career. But if you let it totally lock you in, you start sacrificing too much of yourself. You start either feeling like you're in a rut, or you start getting resentful about your job or about your family life. And these kinds of challenges, you're gonna go on a trip where you're going into this like beautiful place. It's a guy's trip, there's laughs, we have a good time, and there's a physical push that you've been training for, that you've been getting healthy for. The ripple effect is that you actually do have more energy for work for your family.
SPEAKER_00There's so many strategic byproducts that come from this trip. We didn't even realize when we were planning it how many there were gonna be or what was even possible. And to your point around you know, guys feeling guilty or we had we had so many guys on the trip that felt guilty, whether it was during the training or while we were away, that to really think about that a little bit more and say, like, oh, my brain is offering me this story. It's not true. I feel this way. When I take a step back, it's actually helped me in so many ways. It's improved my relationship because there's so much more dialogue and communication, which there has to be when you're gonna go for a long training run and we talk about this in our preparation how to communicate, which not a lot of programs do, right?
SPEAKER_01And and you definitely have to communicate when your coaches schedule your training hike over Mother's Day weekend.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01That was something that we learned. We let's make sure that we don't schedule training hikes on holidays.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And or maybe we do, and just here's your curveball and deal with it, right?
SPEAKER_01Here's an unfamiliar territory to discuss with your wife.
SPEAKER_00So, you know, it's communication, how you think the these are things that a lot of guys assume going into this kind of program or what we're offering here is they think it's just the training, it's the physical, and I'm gonna go do the hike. And it's so much more than that. It's the social aspect, it's the travel aspect.
SPEAKER_01So that's what happens when you sign up for a physical push.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01When you sign up for a goal, there's all these other things that happen. And Scott
Am I Going To Slow The Group?
SPEAKER_01Galloway, his new book, guys have been talking about it. He's been on a lot of podcasts lately. I don't know what his new book's called, but it's about being a man, what it means to be a man. Yeah, masculinity. Yeah, yeah. And the problem with younger men right now, I think it's a problem with our age guys too, our generation. One of the things he talks about is being a protector. And I think when you sign up for a physical challenge and you get your body in good shape, there is a sense of confidence in there that maybe I'm not gonna go beat the shit out of somebody, but I could stand up tall and protect my family. There's a feeling there. And he was talking about how he's never satisfied with money. He's like, I know I have enough money, I know my family's okay with money, and I'm still checking my stocks every day, and I'm still trying to make more money and grow my business. But exercising when I'm feeling good, when I'm feeling healthy and fit, there's a calmness to that. There's an enough feeling there. There were guys on this trip that felt lighter. One of the guys was like, I didn't realize how negative I was thinking about life and doing this experience, being in the canyon, finishing that hike. He was one of the guys that had a tougher time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was such a great point and insight, too, because leading up to the trip, he commented and said I just had a lot of negativity. I was kind of stuck in this like spiral of just looking for evidence as to why things weren't going the way that he wanted to in his relationship and in his career. And then he goes on the trip, has this experience, and that is just gone. No therapy, no, you know, major things going on, just uh experience. And and I think we talked about this through email. It's something about the physical push, it's the destination going away, it's being around a group of men, it's the preparation that makes this a really unique experience. It's all of those things together. It's the canyon as well, like such a bucket list place to go and see be in real life. I don't know where you can get all that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and the travels already planned for you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah, you just gotta show up. I think there's probably guys listening to this who are stuck in some way, who are not feeling like they're on the right path towards who they are, who they want to be. And this is if you're listening to this podcast for a reason, and there's a sign.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. It's that it's that everything's going really well, but something feels off, something's missing, and that's that's probably a purpose thing. That's a Victor Frankel man's search for meaning type thing. And then all of a sudden, a challenge like this gives you purpose. It's short-term purpose, and that's all you need is something to be living for right now. So to kind of wrap us up, we're talking about the Grand Canyon. We have another trip that we're running in April. It's open for 13 guys. We also talked about just any physical challenge. If you're listening to this and this is landing with you, shake it up a little bit. Do something unfamiliar. Don't let the bullshit excuses in your head about feeling guilty, not being able to take time for yourself, that I'm not in good enough shape, that I can't hang out with other dudes say it again, how you put it.
SPEAKER_00It feels doesn't feel right. It just feels unfamiliar.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So find that unfamiliar feeling and step into it. And you can do it by signing up for a challenge. Craig, anything that you want to add?
SPEAKER_00Man, I think we we covered a lot. I think we really captured the essence of what this trip's about and why guys should do it, even though their brain's telling them they shouldn't. It it really is a life-changing experience that you have to go through.
SPEAKER_01All right, brother. That was awesome. Appreciate you hopping on our call. It got me jazzed up again about selling this trip and getting guys on it and having our first group call and bringing them, bringing them together again. My pleasure, man. All right, dude. Catch
Training For Safety And Success
SPEAKER_01you later.
