Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
The Durable Dad podcast gives men the skills and tools they need to be rock solid for their family, their work and their community.
Durable Dad with Tommy Geary
109: Escape Exhaustion: Why Nonstop Action Is Unsustainable
Nonstop action has rewarded you for years—but it’s quietly draining the energy that makes you effective at work and present at home.
Constant motion eventually backfires.
Highlights
- Why pride in exhaustion is costing you patience, clarity, and connection
- The three stories men tell themselves to avoid slowing down
- Why scrolling and “checking out” isn’t real recovery
- Why recharging is a leadership move, not a personal indulgence
Stop calling exhaustion commitment—it’s usually mismanagement
Before the holidays get louder, decide where you’ll refuel on purpose.
A rested man leads better, loves better, and works better.
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This is the Durable Dad Podcast. I'm your host, Tommy Geary. This show is going to give you the skills and tools you need to be a rock solid man for your work, your community, and most importantly, your family. All right, what's up? Episode 109. The other day, other morning, I was hanging out with a couple of buddies at a breakfast restaurant. We were drinking coffee. It's a group of guys that we meet once a month, talk about life, talk about goals, hold each other accountable a little bit, usually have some laughs. And every meeting, it's kind of structured with a round of check-ins. We just talk about life, catch up on what's going on, what's new. And then one of the guys brings some prompt, some leadership topic to discuss. When we met last week, the topic was a reflection on 2025 and a look ahead for 2026. And one of the guys, as he was reflecting on 2025, he went through a coaching program that was time management related, productivity related. And one of the things that he said was non-stop action is unsustainable. I thought it was interesting that a program about getting shit done, what this guy took away was that nonstop getting shit done is unsustainable. I think this lands with a lot of guys. I mean, the men that I work with think that more action fixes everything. This part of us that just wants to go, go, go, it's created a lot of success in our life. We respond quickly to requests that come in. We sacrifice our time to get the job done, to be able to answer every question. We've created this sense of pride in exhausting ourselves. It's okay that we're exhausted. We can keep going. But the problem is that that exhaustion bleeds over. We're exhausted and we aren't as connected in our relationships. We're not as patient with our kids. We're a little more snappy with our employees. When we're going nonstop, we stop taking care of ourselves. Our health usually suffers when we keep going, we keep going. So in order to create sustainable progress, we have to recharge. Sustainable growth requires us to recharge. Everything in this world needs to recharge. Your phone needs to be plugged in, and the battery needs to be recharged. Your car, if it's not an EV, needs to go to the gas station and get gas in it so it can keep driving. And it's the same thing with the human body. Our brain is like a battery, it runs on electricity. Every thought that we have, every feeling, every decision that we make, our neurons in our brain are sending little sparks of electric energy to each other. And if we just continuously think, think, think, go, go, go, that electricity gets tired, it gets burnt out. We actually get burnt out. And the other part of us that needs to recharge is our heart and our body, all of our organs inside of us. Think of that as a fuel tank. It can be depleted really quickly. If we're stressed all the time and anxious and we're doing things for other people, that exhausts the heart and the body tank. And we want to do that. We want to use our fuel to serve other people. And a little stress in our life is fine. But if we let that tank completely empty without refilling it, then we are working with the bottom of the barrel sludge. And that's that exhaustion that turns into sloppy energy. So guys have a hard time recharging because so much of our success has come from going, going, going. And we recognize that people at the top of their game, they take the time to recharge. And I actually had another guy say this to me the other day. Yeah, those people can do it, but that's not me. That's total bullshit. It's a bullshit story that we tell ourselves. That's what I want to run through right now. The reasons that guys don't take time to recharge. It's going to be unhelpful stories that we have in our head. And I want you to think of it this way: we're going to call our internal monologue here, Doug. There's going to be non-stop action Doug, and there's going to be Evolved Doug. Nonstop Action Doug is the Doug that's been running the show for a long time and he wants to go, go, go. Evolved Doug knows that to take it to the next level to have sustainable progress in life, we're going to have to recharge from time to time. Two voices that are in our head having this back and forth battle. Here are the reasons that nonstop Doug does not want to stop. And the first is he thinks if I take time off, my team might think I'm abandoning them. Nonstop Doug is like, I can't take time off. My team needs me. If they see me taking time off, they're going to think that I'm abandoning them. Evolved Doug knows that taking time off actually shows the team it's okay to recharge. You're actually leading them by example. Evolve Doug. Now, back to non-stop action, Doug, he'll say if I take time off, I might miss an email or a call that could cost me a huge client. My clients need me, they need me right away. Evolve Doug knows that you're older in life, the relationships that you have are stronger than one missed call or one email that doesn't get responded to for three hours. And Evolve Doug also knows that taking that time to recharge might actually help you handle the next big call even better. Nonstop Action Doug is coming up with all the reasons, all the excuses why we shouldn't stop and recharge. We have to channel some of that Evolve Doug to plug our battery in to refill the tank. Another thing that nonstop action Doug usually comes up with as an excuse is that taking time for myself during the work week is selfish and lazy. That is definitely something that nonstop action Doug will come up with in our brain. Evolve Doug thinks that strategic time away is a part of leading well. It's not selfish to want to stay sharp, to want to stay clear. It's actually the responsible thing to do for your family, for your career. So those are the main reasons that guys don't take time off. But we have to reframe what recharging means. It doesn't mean your team thinks you're abandoning them. It doesn't mean that you're gonna miss a huge client and that client's gonna fire you. And it doesn't mean that you're being selfish or lazy. It's not what recharging means. Recharging means that you're setting an example of what it takes to go to the higher level for your team. You're recharging so the next time your client needs you, you're sharp, you're on it, you're better. You're not selfish or lazy, you're actually being a responsible man that is going to fill himself up, is gonna rest so he can have a blast, lead strongly, be the man, dad, husband that he wants to be in the world. So, how do you recharge? I think guys get this wrong sometimes, and I'm just gonna give you two things to think about. So, if we think about the brain that's always firing electric energy inside between neurons, how do we recharge it? We want to quiet the internal noise. So we want to try to stop thinking about all the things we should be doing, we want to stop thinking about all the things that we haven't been doing. And one of the things guys get wrong is that they decompress by watching stuff, watching their screen. And there's one guy that I'm thinking about, he came on the Grand Canyon trip. Every week, his wife and daughter go to an activity that's a long drive away. And so every Wednesday he has about two and a half hours of solo time at home. Historically, he has decompressed by watching reels, by binging on a show, sitting on the couch, kicking back, calling it decompressing. A lot of guys will do this. They'll think that sitting on their screen is a way to decompress. However, most of the time when we're doing that, we're getting consistent dopamine hits. Our brain is triggered to be excited and upbeat the whole time. And that's not recharging. And another thing is that the internal voice usually isn't quiet. Usually there's part of us that's like, we shouldn't be doing this. We should be getting something done on our to-do list. This isn't bad for me. I keep scrolling, I'm gonna stop after this reel, but there's another reel and another reel. I told myself I was gonna stop. There's internal noise going, and that's not a way to recharge the brain. That same guy, he has a cold plunge in his garage, and he has a sauna closet thing in his garage. And what he's been doing the last two months is on those Wednesday nights when he has two and a half hours, he takes a cold plunge, takes a sauna, no music, no podcast, just quietness, and then he cooks himself a nice dinner and he sits down and chills. If there's more time, maybe he'll throw on the tube, maybe he'll watch some stuff on his screen. But he gives himself that quiet time to recharge, also taking care of his body. So recharging the brain, you gotta quiet the internal noise. It doesn't have to be a total spa situation like that. It could just be laying on the ground, set a timer for 10 minutes, and have no noise coming inside. Just taking some breaths for 10 minutes laying down. I know a guy that does that whenever he gets home from work. His family knows he gets home from work, goes up to his bedroom, sets a timer for 10 minutes, lays on the bed, decompresses. That is decompression. You're actually like giving yourself a frickin' break after work before you get with the family. Now, how do you recharge the heart and body? You want to focus on activities that leave you feeling fulfilled. One of the great things is exercise. Getting exercise recharges your body. I want to think about how do we recharge that emotional side, that heart side of us. I was thinking about this because I watched the Bears game last weekend when they played the Packers. The Bears are doing awesome. I'm from Chicago, so I haven't been watching the Bears in December. They have not been relevant in December for a long time. So it's been very exciting. They have an awesome team, an awesome offensive line that's playing tough football. Their run game is amazing, which gets me excited because I was a running back and I love watching a powerful offense. But this isn't a sports talk podcast, so I'm gonna come back to the point of the podcast and why I'm bringing up this story. So last weekend I went up to Brenda and I was like, hey, Bears are playing the Packers at three. Can I have that time to watch the game? Sure, go for it. I'm hanging out, everything. I don't have to do anything except for watch the game. I'm thinking, all right, this is dad time. This is my time to chill and recharge. The Bears lost, but it was still a really good game. I enjoyed watching it. And afterwards, I wasn't feeling fulfilled. I was actually a little amped up and excited in a way that made me a little more irritable to the family because I noticed I was thinking, like, oh, I want to watch the night game now. What's going on? Who's playing tonight? Can I get the kids to bed early and watch the game? I wasn't leaving that Bears game feeling fulfilled. I was excited, it was a blast, but it wasn't a recharge for my heart, for my body. What was a recharge earlier that day was this meeting with my buddies at the breakfast restaurant. I left that and I'm standing in the parking lot. It's cold outside, and I have a smile on my face because it just felt good to hang out and be with friends. So exercise helps fuel that body tank connection with people that you love, people that you really enjoy being around, that fills up your tank too. And then the last activity that can actually quiet the internal noise and leave you feeling fulfilled is taking a little time off to get some stuff done around the house, to get some life stuff done. And I've been working with one of my clients on this. He runs his own business and he's been running it for 10 years, and just the same story that we're talking about. He doesn't take time for himself. And if you're listening to this podcast, you're midway through your career. I bet that you have earned the flexibility in your time to take a couple hours off of work during the week, figuring out a way to negotiate, to navigate that, even if you're not a business owner, even if you're an employee with a boss and finding a little time, maybe it is time to go exercise or go get a massage. But this one client, he took his puppy out to train. This had been some training that he had been putting off. So it was something on his to-do list lingering. So getting something done that you've been putting off quiets that internal noise. So he's outside connecting with his pup, quieting the internal noise because he's getting something done. He comes back and he was just like, it was so nice. It was hard to shut it all down and get out there, but I'm so happy I did it. Nonstop action is unsustainable. Our brain needs to recharge, our body needs to refuel. And most of us don't take the proper time to recharge and refuel. So, what are those activities that you come back from and your mind feels quieter, you feel more calm, your body feels more full, you feel more joy, more happiness, more grounded. Find out what those activities are and carve out time for them. Don't let your brain come up with the excuses of why you shouldn't take time for yourself. You're letting people down, you're gonna miss something, you're being selfish or lazy. All BS. I promise you, if you take some time to recharge, you won't be letting people down. You will still be getting your shit done, and you'll actually get it done more efficiently, better, with more heart, with more excitement. All right. This is a perfect topic to bring into the holiday season right now. How are you gonna carve out some time to recharge? It could even be with family. Put your phone away, be there with your family, with your kids, take a walk together and let go of any agenda or trying to get things done. Use it as a time to fill up your heart. All right. Hope you guys have a happy holiday season, and I'll catch you next time.
